Hi Sarah,

I helped organise a "speed friending" event for international students last week, and I have to tell you about it. The idea is borrowed from speed dating: you get a few minutes with one person, a couple of questions to break the ice, and then the timer goes and you move on – except that nobody is looking for romance, only for someone to have coffee with.

The pair I listened to were Jemma, who is doing sociology here in Oslo, and Jerome, who is studying IT. Their reasons for coming were quite different. Jerome wanted to meet students from other cultures; Jemma doesn't live in student housing and had turned up early because she was genuinely afraid of spending the whole semester alone in her flat. Within five minutes they were designing imaginary talk shows – his about technology, with Elon Musk as a guest, hers about strange animals – and confessing what they secretly know far too much about: fish-sauce cooking and Star Wars.

The best part was the culture talk. Jerome described how family-oriented the Philippines is, even towards a neighbour you barely speak to, and recognised the same instinct in Norwegian dugnad. Jemma had never met the word before and said her biggest shock here was that nobody knows how to queue.

Five minutes, and they had found both a likeness and a joke. I think the format works.

Best,
Alex

Hey Charlie,

I think both Emma and Timothy make good points, but neither tells the whole story.

Emma, I understand your practical thinking. Financial stability matters, and good grades are indeed valuable. But I disagree that Charlie should study law simply because the grades allow it. Spending years studying something you have no passion for sounds like a recipe for misery. And let's be honest – being a good student doesn't automatically mean you'll be a good or happy lawyer.

Timothy, I love your enthusiasm, but telling Charlie to "just go for it" without a plan feels a bit irresponsible. The music industry is incredibly competitive, and talent alone is rarely enough. That doesn't mean Charlie shouldn't try, but it does mean going in with open eyes.

Charlie, here's what I'd suggest: you don't have to choose one extreme or the other. Many universities offer music programmes that combine creative training with practical skills like music production, business or education. That way, you're following your passion while also building a career foundation. And here's something important – you said you "hardly ever see" your parents because they work all the time. That tells me you already know what kind of life you don't want. That's valuable self-awareness.

Talk honestly with your parents. Show them you've thought about this seriously. A plan is more convincing than just a dream.

Good luck!

The Courage to Be Unboxed

Tori Amos once said, "Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." It is a simple sentence, but it contains a truth that many of us spend years discovering. From the moment we enter school, we are sorted: the sporty ones, the clever ones, the quiet ones. These labels feel harmless at first, but over time they become walls. And walls are hard to climb out of.

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it differently: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Written over a century ago, these words feel more relevant than ever. In 2023, the "world" that tries to shape us is not just family and school – it is Instagram, TikTok and the relentless pressure to present a polished version of ourselves. Studies show that teenagers who spend more than three hours a day on social media are twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression. The constant comparison chips away at identity until many young people no longer know who they are outside the filter.

But being yourself is not as straightforward as it sounds. Identity is not fixed – it is shaped by culture, family, experience and the society we live in. A young British-Pakistani woman may feel one way at home and another way at school. A teenager from a conservative town in Texas may discover they are gay and face the agonising choice between honesty and safety. Societal pressure does not just influence identity – in many cases, it forces people to hide parts of themselves entirely.

And yet, the people who refuse to be boxed are often the ones who change the world. Malala Yousafzai refused to accept that girls should not be educated. Greta Thunberg turned what many saw as her weakness – her Asperger's – into what she calls her "superpower." Neither of them fit neatly into a category, and that is precisely what made them powerful.

I think the key is understanding that being yourself does not mean being the same person forever. It means having the courage to change, to be uncertain, to not always have the answer. The boxes will always be there. The question is whether we choose to step inside them or to build something of our own.